


Surprise Attraction

by Berocca



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Mist-nin!Iruka, Plot What Plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-18 11:30:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3568037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Berocca/pseuds/Berocca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi is a Konoha ANBU captain. On a mission, he has a brief encounter with an enemy-nin who takes his breath away. Will their paths cross again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Many dark blurs zipped through the forest, leaping from branch to branch in the exhilarating thrill of a chase.

“Genma, to your left!” shouted a voice, echoes quickly deadened by the loud rustling of the forest.

“Dammit, dammit!” yelled the blonde man, spitting out a senbon to his left, before abruptly jumping to the right. He didn’t expect to hit a hard wall of steel armour and yelped loudly when he crashed face first into somebody’s steel-clad chest.

Genma felt strong arms immediately trap his arms against his body, and then a hand circling his neck. He closed his eyes in defeat as he felt a cold steel collar click around his neck, and his silver-haired captor let out a deep chuckle.

Two more bodies landed in a whoosh beside Genma and his captor.

The thick branch of the tree that all four men were standing on started shaking vigorously from the laughter that three of the men were producing.

“Fuck you, you bastards. I hope you all get shat on by Orochimaru’s pet snake,” spat Genma venomously, sporting a bright pink princess-style choker necklace which was studded with numerous heart-shaped, fake jewels.

His only response was howling laughter from the three men in standard ANBU uniform, and soon, two other men wearing similar gaudy, bright and sparkly choker necklaces grudgingly landed on the tree.

“At least yours isn’t lacy,” pointed out one of the new arrivals, remorsefully picking at his chakra-enhanced, delicate-looking lace choker.

“Yeah, well, I’d rather have the lace than this satin shit,” snarled the third man wearing a silky red satin choker.

Genma looked over at his two other teammates caught in the undignified accessories, and despite his anger and embarrassment, he couldn’t help but suppress a snort at the picture.

“Maa, I think this means that we win again,” declared the silver-haired man cheerfully. “You guys are buying the drinks tonight.”

“I would like to try the fruity wine that is poured by the lovely waitress at the Acacia!” shouted one of the non-bejewelled ANBU. He flipped his shiny bowl-cut hair and grinned, white teeth putting the jewelled necklaces’ sparkles to shame. “The one with the strawberries in it! I, Maito Gai, will not settle for anything less than delectable red strawberries steeped in red wine!”

“Aw, but that’s the expensive one!!” whined the lacy-necked ninja. “We always end up buying, man, give us a break!”

“Yea, Raido’s right! We’re running out of money,” grumped Satin-neck. “It’s bad enough as it is that we have to wear these for the whole night. Mine’s itchy as hell.”

Genma glared at his two teammates. “Aoba, Raido. This is the last time we are losing to this group of skidmarks. Let’s just get it over with.” The blonde man irritably jabbed a senbon back in its usual place between his teeth and jumped down to the ground with a very un-ninja-like thump.

“Senpai, don’t be like that, it’s just a game,” said a brown haired man with a steel hitai-ate framing his face. “We’re just having fun.”

Genma took a deep breath and tried to forcefully calm down. Yamato was right, since he lost, he should be a good sport and not ruin the night with too much grumpiness. He turned around to say something witty and cool but –

“It’s not our fault you guys are too old to win any more of these challenges,” drawled the silver-haired man.

“I’ll kill you, Hatake Kakashi!” Genma snarled and threw himself at the ninja, and all six men were soon engaged in another chaotic skirmish, insults and taunts being hurled as much as weaponry.

Genma had just thrown a forceful punch right at someone’s face, when the other person ducked and sent Genma stumbling forward into a clearing, right into the back of a tanned ninja.

The tanned ninja jumped away with a burst of speed, and it was too fast for the group of immature fighting ninjas to have seen who it was. The group stopped their fighting but it was too late to catch up to the other ninja.

“That guy, he wasn’t wearing a Konoha uniform, was he?” asked Aoba.

“I couldn’t see, Yamato’s ass was in my face,” said Raido. “Genma should have seen more than us. Right, Genma?”

“I only saw a really nice ass. The ass of a god. Shoulders fit his clothes really well. And his neck was a tanned color,” mused Genma.

“…You are a disgrace as a shinobi. You’re checking out some potential enemy-ninja? You saw his shoulders but you can’t remember what his uniform was, how the fuck does that even work? Is that a description you’re going to give in a report?” said Raido incredulously.

Gai clapped a hand on Raido’s shoulder, and grinned at him.

“Some children get led astray by new objects. Genma is such a child, but he will soon remember and come back to the things he most cherishes,” said Gai.

Genma looked over at them in confusion as Raido blushed and turned his head away. Genma’s stomach did a small but powerful flop at the sight of his long-time friend blushing in a lace collar.

“I think it’s past time for that drink you owe us,” said Kakashi, looking casually at the sky.

“Yes, let’s enjoy the village before we have to leave for Konoha in the morning,” said Yamato excitedly. “There’s also a special dango shop and a cake store that sells cakes that we don’t get in Konoha…”The group of men walked back to the village, talking about the village’s sights, dinner cravings and occasionally wondering about the godly ass of the tanned ninja.

*

A few hours later, the group of Konoha ninjas were having a good time, all of them more than slightly drunk and fed on delicious food from the village’s largest restaurant. The mission that the group had completed had been to get rid of a band of rogue Mist-ninjas who had been terrorizing the village. Kakashi would have had trouble fighting this group if it hadn’t been for his teams, and the fact that the rogue ninjas were slower than he expected. These two teams worked seamlessly on missions that the missions were nearly always completed neatly and without messy mistakes, and Kakashi felt lucky that Konoha had been well-staffed enough this time round to have been able to afford to send these two teams for this mission.

The civilian village was very grateful for Konoha’s help, and were showing their thanks by lavishing food, drink and local entertainment on their saviours.

Kakashi was cheerfully observing the dance performance and a drunk Genma was loudly whistling at the lead dancer, when the owner of the restaurant and the mayor came to greet the shinobis.

“As our night is winding down, we wish to present you with one final gesture of thanks,” said the short, fat mayor in an oily voice.

“Bring on more booze!! I- I wish to drink til my sorrows are drown-ed,” mumbled Raido.

“Raido, you’ve been talking to Gai too much tonight, your speech is sounding like his,” hiccupped Aoba. “And, and what sorrows? You don’t have any.”

Gai, who was also very drunk, slapped the restaurant owner’s back.

“Fair sir, we have received much already! Much recompense… recompension?? What I am saying is that we are very happy, thank you!!” he garbled.

“Ridding the village of those disgusting Mist-ninjas who were taking all our money and our women is not something that we can easily repay,” said the restaurant owner. “We were worried when Konoha sent their ninjas, in case Konoha ninjas were also going to pillage us after getting rid of the Mist-ninjas. We are very grateful that you are not like them.”

“Since you have not shown that much interest in our offered women,” continued the mayor, winking at the group of prostitutes batting their eyelashes in their direction, “We offer you, freshly caught mere hours ago; a Mist-ninja for your amusement!”

The drunk group of Konoha shinobi fell silent at those words. It was distasteful to play with another ninja’s life, even if they were enemies. The fat, oily mayor continued, taking their silence for interest.

“We caught him in a trap we had set up months ago, a tree that was lined with chakra-depleting wards that we bought to stop the Mist-nin, but it didn’t work for them because the other members of their group freed their captive ones. We paid dearly for that trap, but we forgot about it until today, when this Mist-nin fell into it.”

Kakashi shared a look with his teammates. They all shared the same look of confusion. Kakashi was sure that the rogue Mist-ninja group that they were sent to dispose of had been completely annihilated. Before they could come up with anything to say, the stage erupted in purple smoke and a theatrical poof. Everybody in the restaurant turned to look at the stage.

When the smoke cleared, a struggling man was revealed. A wide expanse of tanned skin and a perfectly toned body was showcased by oil that someone had rubbed on him. He had been stripped of his ninja gear and was clad in a tight pair of leather pants that was restricting his movement, and his wrists were bound together in front of him, by what Kakashi recognized as powerful chakra-absorbing cuffs. What transfixed Kakashi and everybody else in the restaurant was his face, fierce and alive and undeniably handsome. He had a thin horizontal scar across his nose and snapping brown eyes that seemed to spark off bits of his rage, even as his body fought and trembled in exhaustion.

“Enjoy.”

The mayor bowed and two large men holding onto the ropes tied to the man’s wrists tugged the man off the stage, towards the Konoha shinobi. The man struggled with admirable strength, considering his cuffs and his two restrainers.

“It’s him,” whispered Genma. “It’s the Ass-god I saw in the forest.”

Yamato got out of his chair and tried to take the ropes from the restrainers. Sensing danger, the captive man a sudden burst of speed and lashed out with a lightning-fast kick aimed at Yamato’s jaw. Only Kakashi’s fast reflexes pulled back the not-yet-sober Yamato fast enough to avoid getting hit.

“I’ll handle it, kohai,” said Kakashi, gaze transfixed on the angry man.

“You will handle my foot up your ass if you don’t back the fuck off,” snarled the tanned man dangerously. His voice sent a tingle down Kakashi’s spine, a shiver that was a mix of apprehension from the anger in the voice, and pleasure from the rich, low tone.

The man seemed to have used up most of his energy on that last kick. He trembled, muscles glistening and shining more tantalisingly than the fake jewels on Genma’s neck.

Kakashi lifted his hitaiate from its slanted position, revealing his left Sharingan eye. The tanned man, who had been glaring viciously at him, instantly collapsed, unable to fight the hypnotic power of the Sharingan.

Kakashi walked over and lifted the unconscious man onto his shoulders.

“We’ll take care of him. Where did you leave his weapons?” Kakashi asked.

“We put his things in a bag in your rooms, sirs,” answered the restaurant owner. “We hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in our village.”

With that, the restaurant owner and mayor took their leave, and Kakashi got ready to leave the hall.

“Sober up and meet back in my room. We will start questioning this man in one hour, when he should be waking up,” said Kakashi quietly to his teams.

“Hai, taicho.”

*

Kakashi opened his door at the inn, carefully juggling the man so he wouldn’t bump his head. He placed the man on the couch, and started to rearrange his limbs into a more natural position, minding to leave the cuffs on. The man was definitely not part of the group that Kakashi had killed. He looked too innocent, too warm. He must have been in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

From this angle, and the faint light of the lamp in the room, the man looked like he was dozing after a long night, and that Kakashi was his friend who had helped bring him home, or maybe even his lover –

Kakashi shook his head. Where had that thought come from? Kakashi had been an ANBU captain for years, and he had enough friends not to feel lonely, or so he had thought. He did not know this man, though the man’s expressive, delicately handsome face had so much life in it that Kakashi wished he did.

Kakashi felt mesmerized by the slow rise and fall of the man’s chest, glowing softly in the low lamp light. It was so inappropriate, Kakashi mused, that those dirty-minded old men had stripped a ninja and forced him into such an outfit. Not that he was complaining. Kakashi’s gaze crept lower and was captured by the sleek hipbones peeking out above the waistband of the leather pants. Kakashi’s breath caught in his throat.

Everything about this man was intoxicating.

Kakashi’s finely tuned senses were completely covered by the man’s smell, a smell that reminded him of sunlight. Kakashi’s gaze was trapped on the man’s body, and even as he felt extremely guilty that he was invading this man’s privacy, he could not tear his eyes or his nose or his mind away. Each second that he spent near this man made him feel like he was sinking in a huge pile of quicksand.

Before he knew it, Kakashi’s hands were braced on either side of the man on the couch, and both of his eyes were intensely, unconsciously drinking in the sight of the man’s face once more. Kakashi imagined the eyes opening, revealing the clear, intensely _alive_ eyes of the man. Eyes that would recognize him and dilate in desire –

Kakashi reeled back as the eyelids he was staring at snapped open, revealing the clear brown eyes that he had been fantasizing about, but which had instantly narrowed in fierce anger. The man trapped between his arms gave a vicious snarl, and tried to kick Kakashi while simultaneously flipping backwards over the back of the couch.

Kakashi cursed himself. His desire must have subconsciously transmitted through the Sharingan and awakened the man from the genjutsu. The man was still sealed by the chakra-absorbing cuffs which kept leeching his chakra, and his tired state was evident by the man’s trembling muscles.

“What you were planning on doing, you can shove down your throat,” hissed the angry man. “I don’t know what genjutsu you put on me, but I promise you, I will fuck you up if you get anywhere near me.”

The man was slowly stepping backwards as he spoke. The back of the man’s legs hit the mattress of the bed in the corner, and his eyes darted around the room quickly, but found no escape route.

Kakashi seized his chance to subdue the man properly, and quickly pinned the man down on the bed to try and tie his arms and legs up for questioning. His team would probably be heading upstairs to start interrogation in about half an hour, firm in their belief that Kakashi would be able to handle an unconscious man by himself.

How wrong they were, thought Kakashi ruefully, as the oiled up man proved to be extremely difficult to subdue or tie up, without resorting to the Sharingan.

In fact, it was becoming increasingly difficult for Kakashi to concentrate on anything. The man’s muscles were very warm and sleek, and the _flexing_ and _writhing_ of hard, lean muscles underneath him were proving to be more distracting than anything else had ever been in his life.

The bright brown eyes snapped up, glaring straight into Kakashi’s mismatched ones, and in that instant, Kakashi could not control his body or his mind. He brought his masked lips onto the man’s, who had stilled for that one instant, and it felt as though time and sensation had frozen.

Soft, moist lips through an excruciatingly tantalizing cloth barrier. The warm lips felt like the hottest burn to Kakashi, searing his lips and instantly travelling through all of his veins like scorching molten iron.

The man headbutted Kakashi’s nose.

Kakashi jumped back, holding his nose, and staring at the man who had made him lose all his perfected shinobi control.

The man on the bed slowly sat up, staring at Kakashi.

The man had a confused look in his face, as though he had been expecting much worse and a much longer fight.

“I…I’m sorry,” Kakashi half-whispered. “That was not my intention.”

At Kakashi’s rough voice, which carried the full weight of Kakashi’s turmoil, the man’s eyes briefly flashed a conflicted look.

It looked like the man was not going to attack him or try to escape for the time being. Kakashi cleared his throat and tried again.

“So, Mist-nin. What were you doing in this village and what should I do with you?”

The man looked at him for a long while, measuring, before he answered. His voice was hesitant and low.

“I was dispatched by the Mizukage to get rid of the rogue group that you took care of. I was just leaving when I got caught in that trap and those stupid civilian idiots tried to play around with me,” he said. “They did not listen to or believe my explanation, most likely due to their hatred of any man wearing the Mist hitaiate, whether it was scratched through or not. It is in the best interests of Konohagakure and Kirigakure for you to release me without any further…interrogation.”

Kakashi closed his eyes briefly. He had nearly molested and taken advantage of a high-ranking Mist-ninja because of an alarming surge of emotion that he hadn’t known he possessed. “The Mizukage sent one ninja to deal with that group of missing-nin?” Kakashi drawled in his patented bored voice, diverting his mind from its brief transgression. “A ninja who was tired or sloppy enough to fall for such a cheap trap as that tree.”

The man sat up ramrod straight at those words and blushed red in anger. Kakashi noted with a guilty thrill that the blush bloomed beautifully across his cheeks and ears, and he found that to be _beyond_ attractive.

“I don’t care what you think of me at this point,” the man snapped. “Untie me so I can go on my way and you can go on yours.”

“How do I know you aren’t going to start a fight if I untie you? Technically, I should bring you back to Konoha to be interrogated and dissected for any classified information.”

The man swallowed. His adam’s apple bobbed with the movement, and Kakashi had to forcefully keep his eyes from glancing down at the slight movement.

“That wouldn’t go down well with the treaty our villages signed recently,” said the man in a tightly controlled voice. “I’m not a highly ranked ninja in Kiri and I won’t have any useful information to reveal, and my death will only cause the relations between our villages to suffer, without Konoha reaping any significant benefits.

As for me attacking you, you’re Konoha’s Hatake Kakashi. On the other hand, I am mostly drained of chakra and will be no match for you even if I was at full health. Also, I _promise_ you, all I want is to be on my way.” The man’s clear brown eyes hypnotized Kakashi. Kakashi felt out of his depth, staring into those crystal depths, even as his rational mind pointed out that not all of what the man said must be true. If the Mizukage sent this man to clean up a rogue group, this man must be high-ranked, jounin at least, and a hunter. Also, the way the man could use his eyes must be some sort of high-level technique, because Kakashi couldn’t help but want to agree with what the man was saying. Which meant that at the very least, the body and the mid of this man would contain valuable information on Kiri, though thinking about the man in pain was terribly distracting and disturbing to Kakashi –

“Let me go.”

The words had a command ringing through them. If anything, that alone was enough to confirm for Kakashi that the man was not a low-ranked shinobi, but before Kakashi could shake himself out of the man’s presence, the man disappeared.

Kakashi rushed over to the bed where the man had been, and saw the cuffs unlocked and discarded on top of the sheets. Kakashi checked his weapons pouch, and there was a senbon missing. He must have got a hold on the senbon when Kakashi was wrestling on top of him on the bed, and unlocked himself while using some sort of genjutsu to hypnotize Kakashi while they were talking. Kakashi marvelled the man’s quick thinking in such a compromising situation. His admiration for the man whose name he didn’t even know was growing far beyond Kakashi’s comfort zone.

In that chakra-depleted state, he couldn’t have teleported a far distance. Kakashi looked out the window and contemplated going after him. The man was right about the village relations. Even if the man had valuable information, it wouldn’t be worth it to jeopardize the tentative truce that their villages currently had. Kakashi allowed himself to imagine going after the man for no other reason than to find out what hold the man had had over him.

It was this position that the others found him in ten minutes later, staring out the window into the darkened sky.

*

Iruka was exhausted and oily. This grease on his skin was getting on his nerves, and if he didn’t steal some civilian clothes soon, he was going to be the laughingstock of Kiri when he got back home. All his fellow jounin and the Mizukage would never let him hear the end of what he could only describe as a rent boy outfit. A very tacky, cheap one at that.

Kirigakure, unlike Konoha, had been suffering manpower shortages, with an ongoing minor war with Kumo, and a recent change in leadership to Mei Terumi. Iruka had been trusted by Mei to quickly sort out the mess of the recently defected group of Mist-ninja, and though ideally it should have been a team mission, there simply hadn’t been enough staff for that to be possible. Iruka, as one of the elite jounin in Kiri, should have been able to handle the mission by himself, and should not have fallen into the “cheap trap,” as Hatake had called it, but Hatake had been right in that Iruka was too tired and overworked.

Iruka stopped for a rest in the hollow of a big tree. Breathing heavily, he tipped his head back to rest on the tree trunk, and his mind wandered back to the scene in the inn. Hard muscles under a rough uniform, warm hands grappling with his, wide shoulders and brute strength trying to pin him down, mismatched eyes intense and focused. The piercing gaze and the surprisingly gentle kiss that seared Iruka whirled around his mind.

Iruka groaned and gripped his head, hard. He was a busy man, he needed to get back to Kiri and get the paperwork done for the Chuunin exam being held in Konoha later in the year. He needed to get his head out of this sudden, mindless desire. It did not make sense, he was not the sort of man who fell in love or lust so easily. His exhaustion must be getting to him, yes, that must be it. Hatake Kakashi, the infamous Sharingan-user, widely known for reading porn in public, was most definitely not his type. The arrogant bastard, and his deliciously low voice, saying sorry like he was tormented in one moment, and insulting his ninja abilities the next.

Iruka’s disturbed thoughts made his heart pump faster, and he decided that it was time for him to continue on his way. With a groan, he got to his feet and headed towards the edge of the forest, which would take him to a town near the coast, where he would borrow some unsuspecting civilian’s clothes before heading across the sea to the hidden village of Mist.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain keeps popping up cracky images of ninjas but finds it hard to write something that's either full-out crack or a proper story. I'm sorry for this mess of a story, it's un-beta'd. Please forgive me and review if you liked it? Please? maybe? :D Will post up some R-rated raunchiness in later chapters, which is why it's rated M. It's probably not going to be a long story, because I'm just shit at writing long stories.


	2. Chapter 2

Hayate stood at attention in the Mizukage’s office. Mei was charming and beautiful, but like all powerful shinobi, she possessed an aura of such dangerous threat that it was impossible to be at ease in her presence. Luckily, Mei seemed to be very open to diplomacy and a stable alliance with Konoha, so Hayate didn’t need to be too nervous.

He was in Kiri to consult with the other organizers in the Village for the final touches on the chuunin exam which was to be held in Konoha soon. This was the first time that Konoha and Kiri had agreed to host ambassadors for each other. Konoha had first sent their ambassador Hayate for these meetings a week ago, and next month they would be hosting an ambassador from Kiri for a few weeks.

He had not had a chance to meet the ambassador yet, and had been in small meetings with the Mizukage and a few others, such as the stern, middle-aged ninja Ao. Hayate had been assured that he would be meeting the ambassador today, though he was not informed as to why the other important ninja hadn’t been ready for his arrival a week ago. From what he could discreetly observe, the Village seemed to be under tight management, with the Mizukage operating with only a small number of select ninjas that she strongly trusted, and the rest of the Village ninjas slowly warming up to her leadership.

From what he could tell of the Mizukage’s plans for the future, it looked like the future relations for the two ninja Villages were going to be very amicable. She was working hard to end the minor wars with Kumogakure, and her main goal was to establish peace. Hayate admired her for her vision and guts to bring on such progressive change, and was looking forward to meeting the ambassador so that he could get his job done and return home.

Hayate looked out the window, his attention drifting for a moment, thinking about Konoha. Suddenly, his body tensed on high alert, as he sensed an alarming wave of murderous chakra approaching the Tower rapidly. He quickly reached back to his sword and gripped the handle tightly, but everybody else in the room did not seem alarmed. On the contrary, they looked like they were looking forward to something, and what that something was, Hayate saw in the next moment.

A golden man, with rippling muscles and skin gleaming gold and bronze in the afternoon sun, leaped through the window of the Mizukage’s office, radiating killing intent. His eyes were as burning hot as the sinking sun behind him, and dared anyone to challenge him. It was after a full five seconds of stunned staring that Hayate realized that this man was probably the most gorgeous man on the planet, and that he was not being attacked by anyone in the room, and, more importantly, he was not wearing anything apart from a tight pair of black leather pants.

Mei unabashedly stared at the new arrival, eyes gleaming and mouth curled in a happy smile.

“How lovely to have you back, Iruka. How was your mission?”

Iruka just glared at the two ninjas who had come through the window and landed behind him. The two ninjas just laughed harder. Iruka obviously forced himself to turn back to the Mizukage and answered her question. Since she had asked in front of Hayate, Iruka was allowed to report.

“Mission was aborted, Mizukage-sama. It took more time than I expected to track the target group, and later on, Konoha ninjas, who were hired by the civilians, completed my mission before I could, though they did not know that I was already in the middle of my mission and that I had poisoned the targets,” he reported stiffly.

“I must show my gratitude to the Hokage for helping out one of my _very_ valued subordinates,” grinned Mei. “Oh, we can convey the message to the ambassador. Iruka, please greet Gekko Hayate, he is the ambassador from Konoha. You were due back a week ago, and he has been doing your share of work.”

Hayate saw Iruka blush brightly and bow deeply to him, to which he bowed back in a daze. Were all ninja ambassadors as hot as this one? If that was the case, Hayate was giving up ANBU and was going to volunteer for all the ambassador roles in Konoha once he got back. He dazedly wondered whether the leather pants were part of ambassador uniforms in Kiri.

Iruka hesitantly addressed Hayate.

“Gekko-san, I apologize for my appearance and for my tardiness. I will be at your service first thing tomorrow morning. Please excuse me.”

He then turned to the sniggering pair of ninjas near the window and snarled, “I will _kill you both_ ,” before he teleported out of the room with a small pop.

All the other occupants of the room, apart from Mei and Ao, roared in laughter as soon as he disappeared, though Mei had a wide smirk and even Ao seemed to be suppressing a grin.

“We saw him sneaking into a civilian’s backyard in Reihoku, that nice town on the far end of our borders,” snorted one of the ninjas who had followed Iruka into the room before. He had spiky black hair and a bandage across his nose. “Izumo and I were just finishing our mission there and were chilling out in a café when we saw the Ass of the Gods, gleaming and clad in shiny black, vaulting a fence –“

“– So naturally Kotetsu couldn’t sit by and watch,” chimed in Izumo, sniggering. Izumo had longer hair held underneath a bandanna, and a mask pulled up to just under his lips. “He snuck into the backyard and spied on what Iruka was up to.”

“Hey, don’t make it sound like I was the only one invested in that venture. Anyway, he was putting on a shirt when he spotted us, but it was too late for him, wasn’t it, Izumo?” Kotetsu sniggered. “We couldn’t let him ruin the sexiest view anyone in Water Country has seen in the last hundred years.”

Izumo continued the story amidst attentive chuckling and snorting from the rest of the room. “So we followed him all the way here, making sure he couldn’t give us the slip and manage to slip something on, or making sure whatever he _did_ manage to slip on got ripped or torn off. We didn’t let him get to his house after he arrived back in Kiri, though he tried to for hours. He got so _maaaad_ ,” finished Izumo, laughing.

“We are going to pay for this somehow, but whatever he does, I reckon it was worth it,” laughed Kotetsu.

“You got that right!” yelled a jounin.

“Best view in _five_ hundred years!” added another.

Hayate felt a strong need to ensure the formation of a complete and unbreakable alliance between Kiri and Konoha.

*

It wasn’t until a few weeks after Hayate left two weeks later that Iruka started getting a break from the constant sniggering, snorting and propositioning from nearly everyone in the Village of Mist.

Even Hayate, Iruka thought irritably, had eyes that kept roaming down whenever Iruka had his back turned. Damn those two. Kotetsu and Izumo were so getting the pain of their lives, once Iruka got the time or energy to plan out a massive revenge attack.

Unfortunately for him, he was only now just catching up with all the paperwork, but already it was time for him to visit Konoha for the final bits and pieces of organization before the Chuunin exam.

Iruka slammed the finished pile of forms and reports down on his desk in a bad temper. He would get his documents for the trip ready now, and then plan the gruesome torture and humiliation of his two best friends before he had to leave in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a piece of crack I am turning this into. Plot ...is possibly non-existent.  
> I'm sorry. But I hope you enjoyed it a little at least? :D


	3. Chapter 3

Izumo had been expecting something like this. He was prepared. He had readied his collection of explosive tags, senbon, kunai, shuriken, giant shuriken, summoning scrolls and even a full medi-kit.

He threw a barrage of shuriken at the corner of the room and darted to the best defensive position of the house, which happened to be behind the couch in the living room. He refused to acknowledge that he may have looked a little pathetic, cowering behind the couch.

“Iruka! Fuck!! Where are you?!” yelled Izumo.

He was only met by the silence of his empty apartment.

Izumo _thought_ he was prepared. Now, with his eyes and senses darting around the room, he knew that his preparation had been woefully inadequate. He was kidding himself if he thought he could actually escape that sneaky, crazy bastard whom he had known all his life. Izumo was so tense that he felt like anything could set him off and he would accidentally blow up half of the village. He knew Iruka was a highly skilled ninja and could be damn tricky when he wanted to be, but unfortunately for Izumo, he had only started to fully understand the extent of Iruka’s rage after the deed had been done.

Trembling with high-strung nerves in his living room, he wasn’t sure whether doing the _public_ _service_ , as they had dubbed it, had been worth all the trouble it was causing now.

He and Kotetsu had been hailed as heroes, following their presentation of what people were now fondly calling “Boy Toy Iruka”. Izumo remembered using all of his ninja skills and working flawlessly with Kotetsu to prevent Iruka from reaching his house on that day. Flashy and elaborate jutsus had been used by the duo and had attracted everyone in a large radius around Iruka’s apartment to check on what the commotion was.

That meant that everyone who was awake and in Kiri that day had thus been given an eyeful of gloriously chiselled abs, taut and straining as Iruka jumped and leaped around the rooves, clashing with either Izumo or Kotetsu at every turn. The long legs and the perfect ass in deliciously tight pants had been showcased from every viewing direction as the duo stopped Iruka from reaching the safety of his home and prolonged his exposure to the public eye. A civilian was even talking about making a miniature figure of the man, calling it the _Dolphin Boy-Toy™_ with an extra option of a chain around the neck and a miniature whip. This had been met with widespread public interest and had consequently raised Iruka’s blood pressure.

Izumo and Kotetsu knew that they wouldn’t have been able to pull off that stunt if Iruka hadn’t been so low on chakra and exhausted, but their shameless exploitation of their friend’s weak moment was now reeling in some scary-ass consequences.

There was a tiny tinkling sound very close to Izumo’s ear.

Izumo yelled as he spun around, whipping out two kunais in a defensive move. The movement triggered a trap above the bookcase behind Izumo, releasing a loud puff of almost transparent dust which coated his hair and skin immediately. The dust was imbued with chakra, and moved around minutely on his skin, continuously tickling him. Izumo tried but couldn’t shake or scratch it off. His scalp, ears, even his eyelids were now driving him mad with the intensely irritating itching sensation, and he soon roared in despair as he found that the powder was acting as a thin, impermeable barrier preventing his nails from coming into contact with the itch, making it feel as though he was rubbing his skin through a plastic film.

The door banged open and Izumo spun to face it with a high-pitched shout. A flailing mess of a man rushed into Izumo’s arms, yelling incoherently with desperation.

“Get it off!! Izumo! What the fuck!” choked out Kotetsu. “How could _anyone_ think of creating this twisted shit?”

Izumo and Kotetsu tried scratching each other or different types of water jutsu to relieve the itch, but to no success. Izumo dropped to his knees, hopelessly trying to scratch himself, and let out a long, despairing groan.

“How long… how long is this going to last, Kotetsu?” whimpered Izumo.

Kotetsu trembled and forced himself to assess the situation.

“Hours, maybe days… though I don’t think he’s sick enough to make it last that long. Nothing short of us burning our skins off is going to get rid of this, Izumo. I think the best option for us is to go wait it out in some water or something, hopefully being cold will numb the itch a bit,” said Kotetsu.

Izumo nodded. “You don’t think he’s going to do anything else to us, do you?” he asked, in wary fear of rushing to this next best idea.

“No, I saw him go past the gates, he’s left the village for the visit to Konoha,” said Kotetsu, scowling as the itch teetered on the edge of being unbearable. “Let’s go to the beach.”

The two desperate ninjas leaped out their living room window, racing towards the sea that was a few minutes away. They ran mostly side by side at their top speeds, and so neither of them could see each other’s backs. The carefully cut holes in their pants were perfectly visible to everyone else, however; and some women covered their children’s eyes as the Hidden Village of Mist was presented with the sight of the sparkling asses of two men wearing matching purple thongs.

*

Iruka steadily walked past trees that were getting thicker and older. He could tell that he was nearing the Hidden Village of Leaf, and here the trees seemed to soar up into the sky and had massive branches that could hide even the loudest movements of pre-genin.

The forest itself felt like a dignified clan, protecting its Hidden Village and its precious occupants with a deep, calm pride. Iruka felt a profound respect for it and for Konoha already, and was looking forward to seeing Konoha for the first time.

Iruka couldn’t feel the gazes of any ninja guard from Konoha that he thought would have been dispatched for his arrival as he neared his destination. He guessed that Konoha was either showing their confidence in the treaty by openly not distrusting him, or that they were completely confident in being able to withstand an attack by Kiri. Either way, Iruka was happy about being allowed to leisurely walk through the forest in peace. Konoha was only an hour away, but then what he saw as his path brought him near a giant tree stopped Iruka dead in his tracks.


	4. Chapter 4

Kakashi’s morning had been dull.

To be honest with himself, everything had been dull since his return to Konoha from _that_ mission.

After the mission where he met that man, Kakashi had talked less than usual with his friends, and stared listlessly at his Icha Icha book, not reading or turning the page for hours. He couldn’t get interested by anything, whether it was Gai challenging him to ridiculous matches, or whether it was Hayate, recently returned from some mission, non-stop waxing poetic about some sort of dolphin.

He felt listless and unmotivated by everything around him, and all he could think of were the startlingly clear brown eyes of the Mist-nin. He went on missions as needed, completed his duty and returned to Konoha, all the while thinking about the man randomly, at the back of his mind. His friends commented worriedly on his health as they noticed his dead stare; but he finally realized that he was not fine only when he had gotten unnaturally excited over a mission that took him close to Water Country, and had suffered something close to depression when he arrived back in Konoha without having come across the man.

The man’s weapons pouch and hitaiate were in the corner of his room and had been there for the last two months, but Kakashi tried not to think about it because even he recognized that he was being a little crazy.

After he had been grudgingly forced by his own mind to accept that he was obsessed by the Mist-nin, Kakashi had decided to throw himself back into his training. He thought that if he trained so much that his body got exhausted, his mind would stop producing images of the one thing that he yearned for so deeply but simply couldn’t have.

Gai had been ecstatic last week when Kakashi had sought him out first and asked to train together. Manly tears had been shed by the other man as he loudly wept his gratitude about his Eternal Rival coming back to his youthful senses and Kakashi had been forced to endure a hug before the two elite jounin started their excessive sparring.

Kakashi thought that his self-imposed therapy was maybe working, as his exhaustion allowed him to black out at night without feeling intense waves of hopelessness.

But in the morning, it was always the same. He woke up after dreaming about waves and the sea, warm sunlight and tanned skin.

With his body being fully rested and healthier than ever, his mind could not be stopped as it created extensive images of sun-kissed skin, firm muscles and dusky, hardened nipples that would be pressed tightly underneath him, sliding in delicious, hot friction as a soft, wanton mouth moaned for Kakashi. He could even _smell_ the man’s unique, heady scent, and he could _feel_ him sucking on Kakashi’s bare lips and jawline, a place that no other partner had been allowed to touch before. Brown eyes, darkened under heavy eyelids, half-closed with lust, and the hot body, naked and writhing under him. Kakashi gripped his painfully hard member and stroked himself quickly and harshly, imagining thrusting into the tight body and the man crying out in ecstasy, pounding the man relentlessly until he came messily all over between their two burning bodies and he spurt his own huge load inside the man, feeling the man’s insides constricting around him, milking more and more from his balls – Kakashi felt his orgasm hit him violently. The familiar pleasure left him panting in his damp sheets, but as he came down from his high, it slowly but surely also brought the increasingly familiar feeling of engulfing black emptiness.

It was the mornings that were now what Kakashi looked forward to and dreaded the most. It was the only time when Kakashi’s consciousness did not have full control of his thoughts and let Kakashi have the man that he desired so badly, but when Kakashi inevitably came down from the high, he would always be fully awake and feel punched in the gut by the undeniable fact that he simply _could not_ have the man.

Kakashi threw an arm over his eyes, slowly getting his breathing under control. The heavy weight of his arm across his face helped him force an image down to the back of his mind, the image of the man, softly panting afterwards, curled up and boneless and smiling into Kakashi’s chest.

Kakashi took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. Each morning, the gaping emptiness afterwards felt like it was getting steadily worse. Kakashi got out of bed and bundled the sheets into the washing machine, and stepped into the shower.

The hot spray of water fogged up the stall and soon his whole bathroom, and Kakashi closed his eyes, surrounded completely by thick, warm mist.

Later that day, Kakashi checked for a mission but did not get one. Tsunade looked extremely busy with a bunch of papers and Genma and Hayate were having a heated discussion about Hayate’s dolphin. Kakashi was mildly surprised that Hayate was still going on about it, but once again, all his feelings about anything happening around him was dampened by a thick layer of listlessness.

Tsunade shot him a quick look. He saw a flicker of concern in her eyes, but he gave her his customary one-eyed grin and she went back to arguing with Shizune and a bunch of other ninjas. Kakashi decided to go train by himself, since Gai was out on a mission.

When Kakashi arrived in a small clearing at some distance from the village gates, he sat down and looked up at the sky for a moment. He noted dispassionately that it was a lovely day, and that the sun was bright and clear. Again, he was hit by the pain of loneliness and empty ache of _want_. If only he had never come across the man… but no, that was not what he wanted, either.

Kakashi quickly made some hand-seals and created a shadow-clone to spar with. The shadow clone stared back at Kakashi, looking bored and as ready for a fight as he was.

Kakashi gave a sigh at his face. He uninterestedly flicked a kunai at his shadow clone, which blocked it easily. The clone then flew at him, attacking with a rapid combination of kicks and punches.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Iruka was stunned.

Ahead of him to his right, behind a thick tree trunk, he saw a flurry of movement and flashes of distinctive silver hair –Sharingan Hatake Kakashi.

Konoha’s elite was this man. He embodied the essence of Konoha: relaxed, aristocratic and confident; languid, elegant and deadly.

From Iruka’s position behind the giant tree, he could secretly observe the efficiency of Kakashi’s lithe, slender body. The graceful arms and fluid legs blocked and attacked in rapid succession; a breathtakingly beautiful exhibition that the ancient tree proudly allowed the visitor from Kiri to admire.

But what stunned Iruka so completely was not just Kakashi’s elegant skill, but that he was fighting five opponents who looked almost exactly like – _him_.

Brown hair in a ponytail. Skin, almost the same shade of tan. Scar across the nose. The only thing jarringly different was that the five other Iruka lookalikes were dressed in the Konoha jounin uniform, with the dark blue shirt, pants and the green flak jacket.

Iruka did not understand what he was seeing. He forced his brain to restart, and quickly flashed through all the options available to him. Iruka’s curiosity and intelligence were the two main factors that had ensured his status as a jounin, and they were both being put to the test at this moment.

Iruka observed the sparring for a few more moments, this time thinking critically and making some rapid calculations. He saw the pattern to the fighting, which was a rapid series of the standard kicks and punches. The level of skill was evenly matched, and the chakra signals were the same, pointing to the fact that the Iruka-lookalikes were Kakashi’s shadow clones. The sparring session was increasing in intensity, and one shadow clone disappeared as it was hit by an elbow to the neck. The other shadow clones were unrelenting in the speed of their attacks, and Kakashi remained locked in the rapid, deadly dance.

Another of the shadow clones popped out of existence as a well-placed kick landed on its ribs, and Iruka instantly acted. He henged into the Konoha uniform and teleported himself into the space where the clone had disappeared while immediately eliminating another one of Kakashi’s shadow clones upon his arrival into the space, effectively disguising his arrival with the small amount of smoke and keeping the number of “Konoha-Irukas” the same.

It was a risky move, but Iruka’s curiosity and confidence couldn’t back away from this challenge. Kakashi might have seen through it if he had his Sharingan eye open, but the man seemed to be preoccupied and his single eye looked like dull metal as he blocked and kicked mechanically.

Fighting Kakashi up close sent Iruka’s heart racing, and he quickly dismissed the sensation as an adrenalin rush. Iruka was a devilish prankster, and also a proud jounin, and as the representative from Kiri he thrilled in the rare opportunity to spar with Konoha’s elite without it becoming a dance to the death.

At this new proximity, Iruka could smell the wild, minty scent of this man each time a limb whipped through the air. He could see the sheen of sweat on Kakashi’s brow, a hint of stubble above the line his mask, and the line of his lips through the barely opaque stretched material of the mask. The single grey eye detachedly glanced at each of the three Irukas attacking him, cataloguing and predicting the movements of his own shadow clones.

Iruka kept his movements as close to the patterns of Kakashi’s as possible. Each punch he threw was blocked, lightning-fast, by Kakashi’s palm or forearm, and the hard impact of each split-second contact was electrifying.

*

Kakashi dispatched another shadow clone with a sudden backward kick and focused on the two remaining ones as its memory came back to Kakashi. The combinations and information it brought were not anything he hadn’t already known, as this was just a routine training exercise.

His idea of making his shadow clones look like the Mist-nin had mildly upped Kakashi’s interest, but as soon as he had started training it had become glaringly obvious that they were nothing like the Mist-nin at all. The fakes all had Kakashi’s dead look in their brown eyes, and Kakashi once again retreated into his mind, completing kicks and punches and combinations by muscle memory.

He wasn’t really counting how many clones he made or how many were left. He didn’t care. He kicked a clone to his left in the head after blocking one of its punches, and the expression on its face was dull and blank as it drifted to the side a split second before it popped out of existence. Every punch, kick or combination the clones had thrown at him, he knew exactly what they were and how they were executed, and it was impossible to kid himself that he was fighting anybody else.

Kakashi barely remembered that he still had a clone left, but then it attacked him with a barrage of kicks and punches. Kakashi was disinterested, he knew these combinations like the back of his hand–

A foot and a knee were slightly off position and Kakashi was only just fast enough to avoid a non-routine right uppercut. He never used that with that combination, what–

Kakashi was slammed backwards three feet into a tree as an extremely quick spinning kick caught him in the chest. As soon as the back of his head hit the tree trunk the mindless haze of grey in his mind was jolted away.

With a clear eye Kakashi blinked at the clone leaping towards him, and with a debilitatingly electric shock he saw a devilish glint in the brown eyes and skin that was actually a slightly darker tan than he remembered. The presence of a slight blush that Kakashi almost never got when he trained –

Kakashi barely avoided a powerful fist as he jumped to the side. The smell, _his_ _smell_ was there. How did – what? How had he not noticed it before? No, that wasn’t important right now. Kakashi’s mind was whirling in alarm as he defended himself from his clone. He must have snapped. He must have created some elaborate genjutsu and trapped himself in his own world. Shit, he needed help. Kakashi jumped far away and raised his right hand in the seal.

“Kai!”

Kakashi’s eye widened impossibly as the clone did not disappear and leaped at him with a burst of speed.

*

Iruka had been so caught up in the moment that he was only now realizing that he really hadn’t thought any of this through.

When Kakashi shouted the release signal, Iruka swore internally as he didn’t know whether he should teleport away or keep fighting, because either way the man would know he wasn’t one of his clones, and would most probably try to kill him.

Iruka leapt at Kakashi and saw the other man’s eye widen.

Kakashi then seemed to kick himself back into action and started forming hand seals impossibly quickly, breaking their previous fighting pattern of taijutsu only and now bringing in the big guns.

“Suiton - Suijinheki!”

Iruka was amazed at the high-level water technique that Kakashi used, especially as there was no water in the immediate area. Iruka only just managed to avoid the wall of water and flashed through some hand seals of his own. Now this was getting extremely interesting. Iruka stopped hiding his expression and grinned as he went full-out at Kakashi.

“Suishouha!”

A small wave of water erupted between them and crashed against a quickly erected thick mud dome with bull dog faces on one wall.

“Mizu Shunshin no Jutsu!” Iruka used the puddles of water left over from his wave to immediately bringing himself on top of the head of the mud bull dog. He flicked through more hand seals and spit out consecutive balls of sharp, boiling water that bore through the mud wall.

*

Kakashi was panicking behind the mud wall. The grin he saw on the other man’s face just before the huge wave technique went beyond anything Kakashi could imagine for himself, and the high-level skills that the other man was using meant that Kakashi couldn’t afford to be turned on or panicking right now.

A huge blast from outside created a hole in his mud barrier and Kakashi lifted his hitaiate to seriously deal with the problem he was in.

The other man was suddenly right up against him in his personal space inside the large mud cave Kakashi had made. They were briefly back to taijutsu, but with unconventional dips and tricks, Kakashi barely managed to hold his own in the confined space. The other man’s face was so _alive_ and _real_ and the overwhelming desire of his life was just so _right there_ that Kakashi kicked himself back into action, not understanding what was happening, but to hell with sanity; he was going to enjoy himself and die right here in the man’s arms.

Kakashi’s full speed was faster than the other man’s, but the other man had greater strength, which was why he probably had decided to crowd Kakashi. Kakashi used all of his skill and speed to try and turn the tables on the other ninja.

After a while the two men were both tiring, and each were landing blows on the other, tiring each other more quickly.

Kakashi felt his hand coated in sharp electric chakra come dangerously close to stabbing the other man’s neck and without thinking, diverted the path so that the hand instead grazed the top of the man’s shoulder and cut through the flak jacket of the Mist ninja. The torn up jacket fell off his left shoulder and hung off the right.

The other man growled, the sound ripping through Kakashi’s chest, and executed a series of moves that forced Kakashi into a water clone of other man. Kakashi twisted quickly in the clone’s grip, taking out a kunai from behind but accidentally tearing off his weapons pouch.

The other man attacked with a kunai of his own and threw three shuriken which could not be completely avoided at such a close distance and ripped shallowly into through Kakashi’s flak jacket and the edge of Kakashi’s pants, getting stuck in the mud wall behind him.

Kakashi lunged at the man, who leapt to the side, and suddenly the bright sunlight from the gaping hole in the wall fell on the side of his face, illuminating the exhilarated thrill in his brown eyes, the beads of sweat that slicked down his high cheekbones, and the grey standard shirt that clung to the man’s hard chest –

Kakashi’s sudden burst of speed left the other man helpless and his eyes widened briefly in shock, and his arms were too slow to stop Kakashi from pinning him to the wall and crushing bare lips onto his.

The kiss was feverish and desperate, and Kakashi lost his mind completely at the enveloping burning heat and a soft but firm, wet tongue. The broken, ragged moan that the other man released vibrated through their mouths and travelled straight to his groin. The adrenalin pumping through Kakashi’s veins did not let him get any gentler than when they were fighting just a moment ago, and Kakashi ran his hand down the other man’s sides roughly, tearing at the ruined shirt, nails scraping the tanned skin red in his haste.

Iruka wasn’t idly standing by either. After the initial shock of being pinned, the burning hot kiss had torn through all of his mental defences and left only overpowering arousal. His fingers dropped the kunai it was holding and instead wrapped themselves desperately on Kakashi’s flak jacket, unzipping it and tugging it off as his other hand wound itself in Kakashi’s hair.

Iruka sucked Kakashi’s tongue into his mouth, reveling in the heat and the sensation of the slick thickness filling up senses. He breathed in Kakashi’s wild, fresh sweaty scent through his nose and completely surrendered to the intoxicating taste. Kakashi’s breath caught and he groaned harshly, sending electric bolts of pleasure through Iruka.

Kakashi’s hand worked its way down Iruka’s pants, the rough material of the glove and the calloused finger pads stimulating Iruka’s back and ass more than anything else had ever done before. Kakashi’s other hand forcefully pressed into every inch of skin on Iruka’s back as if it wanted to mold itself into him, and then felt its way up Iruka’s upper back, twining around Iruka’s head and snapping off the string holding up Iruka’s hair in a ponytail.

Iruka gave a wanton gasp as Kakashi’s hand pulled his hair backwards and his tongue left Iruka’s mouth, leaving it empty and cold as the mouth moved to suck hard on Iruka’s exposed throat. Kakashi’s teeth bit down on the hypersensitive skin and tore more gasps from Iruka as he felt Kakashi’s hard body pressed up firmly against him, pushing him into the wall as his long, hard erection ground against Iruka’s. His other hand gripped Iruka’s butt cheek almost painfully, pulling him further against his arousal, and Kakashi’s hips jerked erratically, tearing out a strangled shout from his open mouth.

Kakashi groaned wildly at the sound and latched again onto Iruka’s willing mouth, bringing his hand over to the front of Iruka’s pants and gripping the throbbing hard cock. Iruka couldn’t help the ragged keen that escaped him and used his hands to touch every inch of Kakashi’s skin, opening the zipper at the front of Kakashi’s pants at the same time. The whole situation was so _wrong_ and this _surely_ must be forbidden but these thoughts only heightened his senses and made every touch and taste overwhelmingly amazing. Iruka pulled down the front of Kakashi’s underwear, not bothering to pull all of it off, releasing Kakashi’s straining cock. He stroked the pulsing, hard organ making Kakashi cry out into his mouth, and flicked the head, smearing the slippery pre-come messily all over his shaft.

Kakashi was greedier than Iruka at wanting more skin. He pulled out a shuriken that was embedded into the mud wall and sliced off Iruka’s pants, nicking Iruka’s ass in the process. The sharp, tiny sting instantly transformed into pleasure that shot straight into Iruka’s balls, and Kakashi’s stroking hand was bringing Iruka close to the white-hot edge of pleasure –

Kakashi suddenly grasped Iruka’s cock a bit too tightly, bringing Iruka slightly back from the edge. He took his hand off Iruka’s shaft and lifted Iruka’s leg, under the knee, pushing him further up the wall and leaving Iruka’s cock standing up into the air between their bodies, weeping liquid and neglected.

Kakashi’s forehead pressed on Iruka’s, and he panted raggedly as he gently removed Iruka’s hand from his cock and gazed slightly down into his eyes.

The man’s pupils were blown wide in passion and lust, and Kakashi felt that this was better than anything his imagination could have come up with. Kakashi had almost come onto the man’s talented hands but he wanted more; he had wanted more for so long.

Kakashi felt the other man wrap his hand around the back Kakashi’s neck, stabilizing himself in the position as he tilted his hips slightly, bringing his tight hole into a better position. The invitation would have snapped Kakashi’s control had he not been obsessed with the man for so long, but Kakashi wanted more.

Kakashi used his other hand which was not holding up a leg and gripped both hard cocks. The feeling of the other man’s pre-come sliding between their shafts brought out rough groans from them both, and Kakashi had to use what was left of his control to take his hand away. Kakashi couldn’t help but bring his hand to his mouth, sucking his own fingers and licking their combined pre-come greedily and the other man made a desperate noise at the sight.

“Kakashi– Kakashi please,” the man whimpered.

Kakashi moaned as his whole body felt like it was on fire as the man said his name so brokenly.

He gave his fingers a wet lick and brought it down the man’s cock, his balls, then nudged against the tight hole. The other man ran his other hand up Kakashi’s arm, bringing it up to touch and stroke Kakashi’s cheek. Kakashi turned his head into his palm and kissed it, before licking it and sucking a finger into his mouth sensually. The man’s eyes rolled back into his head as he felt twin sensations of his sensitive finger being sucked and licked, and a long, slippery hot finger slowly pushing and wriggling its way inside him.

Kakashi slowly fucked the man with one finger, drawing out more whimpers from him. He sucked in another finger into his mouth as he wriggled in a second finger into the man’s ass, and the man cried out incoherently at the stinging breach. He was so tight and so hot, and Kakashi felt his control slipping.

The man’s cock twitched, leaking another drop of clear fluid, and Kakashi wormed a third finger into his ass, this time bringing his face close to the other man’s ear and sucking in his ear lobe. The man’s panting sent shocks of pleasure straight to his own cock and Kakashi crooked his finger, finding the tiny bump that was _right there_ and the man cried out a rough scream as he came, cock exploding out ribbons of thick, white come.

Kakashi shook in need, breathing out ragged pants on the man’s jaw and Kakashi couldn’t hold himself back any more. He pulled out his fingers from the convulsing hole, slicked his head quickly with the man’s slippery come, positioned himself at the entrance and thrust inside.

The man cried out again, head hitting the wall, and Kakashi stopped, shaking with pleasure, giving the man a moment to adjust. The man’s cock twitched, still hard, and Kakashi licked and kissed his neck, jawline and mouth.

“Kaka – aah! Kakashi, move,” half-sobbed the man, the voice vibrating straight to Kakashi’s cock.

Kakashi pulled out and shoved back in, hard, groaning wildly, all control completely lost, and fucked the man thoroughly, cock thrusting in over and over. He was pounding himself almost violently into the delicious man until the man’s leg gave way and Kakashi landed on top of him on the ground, the movement pushing in Kakashi’s impossibly hard cock deep into the man’s ass.

Kakashi’s vision went white and all he could see was the man underneath him, his throat vibrating as he cried out each time Kakashi slammed into him, pounding the spot that Kakashi found each time he thrust –

The man’s body tensed, taut and straining as he came again, shooting his load onto Kakashi’s chest and Kakashi came deep inside the man, crying out hoarsely in abandon as the most intense orgasm of his life was forcefully pulled from his balls.

Kakashi panted, continuing to pulse out spurts of his seed inside the man. He gazed down at him as his head started to clear from the mindless haze of pleasure. The man’s long brown hair was spread out on the grass, some strands sticking to his cheeks, and the sunlight made his skin and hair glow golden. He looked younger, completely boneless and even more exquisitely handsome than before.

Iruka looked up into the mismatched eyes of the man that had brought more pleasure than he known was possible. He couldn’t deny to his own mind the feelings he felt; the powerful, happy ache in his chest which he knew was definitely more than lust from being well-fucked.

As he came back to his senses, however, Iruka felt a more common emotion stirring inside him.

“Kakashi, you weren’t… you weren’t _copying_ any of this, were you?” he asked, slightly annoyed. He didn’t feel the need to add the proper honorary term, seeing as how he’d been shouting his name without it for the past eternity.

Kakashi’s softly panting, unmasked face looked genuinely surprised, and Iruka was taken breathless again by how incredibly sexy the man was, still mostly in his uniform and still half-hard inside Iruka.

“…I’m sorry,” breathed Kakashi, his low voice sending shivers down Iruka’s body. “I didn’t realize I had it open.”

Iruka smiled, slight annoyance completely dissipating at Kakashi’s gaze, both mismatched eyes soft and almost reverent as he apologized.

“Liar,” whispered Iruka cheekily.

Kakashi laughed, softly and openly for the first time in months. He was simply amazing. The most gorgeous man alive, and here he was, looking at Kakashi with his clear brown eyes amused and soft.

“I need to know your name,” Kakashi said.

“Umino Iruka,” he breathed, as Kakashi brought his lips down for a toe-curling kiss.

*

Kakashi’s head was clear. He felt as though he had never truly been awake before now. He could sense every rustle of the leaves in the forest, every bird call and every warm breeze of the wind, and as he wiped Iruka dry with some clean cloth and helped Iruka collect his weapons while exchanging little jokes, he felt an overwhelming tenderness and protectiveness that he had never felt before. Kakashi knew he was in love, and it didn’t take being a genius to figure it out.

*

Iruka was clean and had all his belongings, but as Kakashi stood before him, scratching the back of his head, he felt panic crashing down on him.

Yes, he had his weapons; Kakashi had been very helpful and collected all of them, and put them in his weapons pouch. But his clothes. Both his shirt and pants were ripped, even his underwear and flak jacket. Horror and embarrassment mounted higher and higher and Iruka buried his face in his hands, groaning in despair.

“Oh my god, Kakashi. How am I supposed to walk into Konoha like this?” mumbled Iruka. “I can’t henge if I’m supposed to be going through the main gates, all the Konoha ninja guards will be looking for anything suspicious.”

“I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to ask, but since you mentioned it, what are you doing here?” asked Kakashi brightly, sidestepping the problem. It wasn’t entirely his fault that Iruka’s clothes got ripped off, but he did feel more than a little responsible.

Iruka looked up at him, surprised.

“I’m the ambassador from Kiri. I thought it was big news that our two Villages were hosting each other’s ninjas, and that most of the jounin would have already heard about me from Gekko Hayate,” said Iruka. “He did leave our Village talking about how much he loved it there.”

Kakashi felt something from the back of his mind ring a bell, a bell which quickly morphed into a full-blown mental fire-alarm.

“Wait…Hayate. Iruka… you’re, you’re the dolphin? You’re Hayate’s Dolphin??” Kakashi sounded shrill.

Iruka glared at him, thinking that Kakashi was going to tease him. He was tired of dolphin jokes because he had heard them ever since he was born. Even his father had teased him, doing stupid things like spraying out sea water and pretending it was a dolphin’s blowhole, when he was the one who named him in the first place. Iruka was just opening his mouth to sarcastically make a “scarecrow” joke, but Kakashi was leaping away through the trees, yelling something about killing Gekko that son of a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaand we're Back to Crack. Just like that.
> 
> XD Thank you so much for reading, and especially your reviews and comments, jules, megyal, curly and jbjewel!! You're my first reviewers ever, and without you, I really wouldn't have written this far.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a celebration of reaching 69 kudos, (lol i'm so immature) I have uploaded another chapter. I really hope you enjoy it!!

Iruka sat on his pile of ripped up clothes, and looked up at the sky.

It was a lovely day but all he could see was grey and all he could hear was blood rushing in his ears. His breath came in fits and starts as he had a panic attack, though this was not visible to anybody fortunate enough to come across the naked man.

There was no way out that he could see for himself. He went through his options again in his mind.

He could tie up all his shreds of clothing and walk into Konoha, like some sort of mock-caveman. No, that would make it look like he was crazy. Or that he got in a fight and lost, which was not the right first impression that he could give, being a representative from Kiri.

He could just walk into Konoha naked, and get arrested for indecent public exposure.

He could maybe make a grass skirt and pretend he went mad.

He could make a clone and chase Kakashi down, asking him for some clothes. But Kakashi had deserted him and he couldn’t send a clone into Konoha, they would attack something like that straight away. And plus, Kakashi would probably give him a Konoha uniform and that would just be wrong.

He could try the most delicate henge, requiring expert chakra control. This would only use the smallest amount of chakra to change his appearance and hopefully not be noticed. But… he knew that was highly unlikely because they would be checking him thoroughly.

He could just run back to Kiri. But naked? After the _Dolphin Boy-Toy_ incident? Iruka shuddered. That wasn’t an option either.

Shoving a kunai in his eye was looking more and more like the best option. As Iruka absentmindedly palmed a kunai, he heard a loud thump that came from the opposite end of the meadow.

Iruka immediately jumped up and positioned himself behind what was left of Kakashi’s mud wall.

“Aaaaarghh!!! My eyes!!!!” yelled a boy’s voice.

Iruka was mortified. He wanted to stab himself in both eyes at the same time. Useless noises fell from his mouth as his eyes darted around fruitlessly for anything he could use to cover himself.

“What’s wrong with you, mister?? I’m gonna get the patrol!!”

Oh shit. Iruka leaped out in a blind panic. He wasn’t ready for Konoha, not like this, not yet. He hadn’t found a plan yet!... though he wasn’t sure exactly if he ever would find one.

“Wait! I’m sorry!! Just listen to me, please!!” Iruka was too fast for the boy, who had his wrist caught by Iruka before he could even finish yelling.

The boy’s bright blue eyes widened in fear as his brain registered how fast the man was. He tried to yank his arm out of the crazy naked man’s hand but his grip was like a vice.

“Listen, I’m so sorry, just don’t call the patrol yet, please!”

The boy looked up at the man at that desperate tone. He could see that the crazy naked man was panicking, but also the crazy naked man’s eyes were overflowing with mortification and he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pity for the crazy naked man. Also, the boy was surprised at a human touch that wasn’t trying to hurt him, but was gripping him as if he was a lifeline… as if he was _needed_.

Iruka, coming back to his senses a little, quickly henged into clothes. He didn’t want the boy to become more scarred that he already was. The boy’s eyes widened further at the man who now was in full Kiri uniform, and Iruka cursed himself for not thinking it through and quickly tried to explain himself.

“Look… I, uh. I got into a, um. A friendly fight with a Konoha friend, but as you can see from the pile over there, my clothes got a bit ripped. I’m an ambassador going to Konoha but I need to find some proper clothes,” said Iruka.

The boy looked at Iruka and hid his fear at being addressed by a different village’s ninja by squinting his eyes and yelling back at him.

“Like I’d believe you!! There’s no such thing as friendly fights between two different Villages!!” The boy’s voice was so loud that Iruka felt his head ringing.

“No, see how I’m not hurt and there’s no dead body! It was just a friendly spar with Hatake Kakashi,” Iruka desperately appealed to the boy, though his mind was already despairing that everything was hopeless, and that he would soon be labelled a child-molester by the way things were going today. “I’m _really_ an ambassador. Konoha should know that they’re expecting someone from Kiri today. Why the f – why does nobody know about this, dammit Gekko Hayate! What has he been telling everyone?!” Iruka rambled hysterically.

*

Lounging with Genma and Raido in the jounin lounge, Hayate sneezed three times in rapid succession.

“Dude!! Cover your mouth, for god’s sake. And get that shit checked out man, you’ve had a cold for what, a hundred years or something,” said Genma.

“I just got something in my nose, I’m fine,” grumbled Hayate. He settled back into the couch and tried to get some beauty sleep before Iruka’s arrival sometime later today.

*

“You sparred with Hatake Kakashi?” said the boy incredulously.

“Yes, I did, and neither of us got hurt,” said Iruka, latching desperately on to the shred of hope that the boy was talking to him and might listen to his sorry case.

“I saw him running away from here, though! He was talking about getting someone. Wow, mister, are you really that good?! That’s pretty awesome!” yelled the boy.

Iruka was taken aback by the boy’s abrupt acceptance of his story and open admiration.

“Uh. Thanks, I guess? But seriously, I need to – I mean, sorry. My name is Umino Iruka. What’s your name?” asked Iruka.

“I’m Uzumaki Naruto of Konoha! I’m going to be the greatest ninja ever!”

“Well now, it’s nice to meet you,” said Iruka formally. He released Naruto’s wrist and bowed, as was proper when greeting anybody from another village. Naruto’s happy squint became wide-eyed again at the polite gesture. “Naruto-kun, I apologize for you having to see me like you did, but I am in great need of your help. I need to report to the Hokage today, but I can’t go without any clothes.”

“Well, I-Iruka-san,” said Naruto, sounding unfamiliar with talking politely, “Why can’t you just go like you are now?”

“This is a basic henge technique. All trained ninjas can spot a henge if they are looking for it, and as the first ambassador between our two Villages, I can’t go in a henge because people might think I’m hiding something and I could get killed, or start a war,” said Iruka. It made him smile as he saw that his explanation was processed and understood by the boy, whose face was as emotionally transparent as his own was.

“Hm. In that case, I know just the place to get some clothes! Follow me!” The boy grabbed Iruka’s wrist and tugged him into the forest. Iruka quickly grabbed his small pack from the ground and followed Naruto. He couldn’t believe that his luck would be so quickly turned but couldn’t help but be charmed by the small boy’s innocence.

Naruto led Iruka on a decent ten-minute jog, then stopped before a big rock. Beyond the line of trees in front of them, Iruka could see some steam and the sound of water falling.

“Wait right here, I’ll get you something to wear,” grinned Naruto.

Naruto walked away out of the edge of the forest, and into a bathhouse. Iruka had to admit that going to a bathhouse was a good idea, especially to steal clothes. That was until Naruto came running back out, being chased by the owner and a broom.

“Get out of here, and stay out!!”

Iruka felt enraged at the overly harsh treatment of the child. When Naruto came back, shoulders stiff and defiant but ever-so-slightly trembling, Iruka felt the need to envelop him in a hug, but he didn’t want the boy to feel more ashamed by showing him that he saw his humiliation. Instead, Iruka just looked up when Naruto came near.

“Sorry, Iruka-san. I couldn’t get any,” said Naruto, scuffing his foot.

Iruka knew he was still a complete stranger, but couldn’t help ruffling the kid’s hair. Even his blonde spikes seemed to have wilted in dejection, and it was extremely cute. Naruto froze minutely, and relaxed, almost wonderingly, at the affectionate gesture.

“Don’t worry, Naruto-kun. Your plan was brilliant! I think I can get clothes for myself, now that you have brought me here,” praised Iruka wholeheartedly.

Naruto blinked and then grinned back, catching and warming Iruka with the sunniness of the smile.

“I’ll be right back, if you want to hang around,” said Iruka.

Iruka henged into civilian clothes and walked into the men’s baths. He couldn’t teleport inside because he didn’t know what sort of place it was or who was inside it.

The bathhouse owner bowed and smiled at him, and didn’t look back at him twice after collecting Iruka’s payment. The place was small and clean, and Iruka couldn’t sense any wards. Iruka supposed that the owners didn’t usually find any unwelcome visitors, being so near Konoha.

Iruka walked into the men’s changing room and when he was sure there was nobody around, he released his henge and tied a towel around his waist. He then surreptitiously looked into the cubbyholes containing other men’s clothing. The cubby holes were nearly full, and Iruka could hear a lot of men talking outside in the baths. There were no Konoha uniforms though, meaning that hopefully there were no other male ninja in the bathhouse with him and Iruka counted that as a small blessing.

As he kept surreptitiously rummaging, Iruka knew he was taking too long at finding clothes. Anyone could come into the changing rooms at any moment. It was then that Iruka spotted a neatly folded dark kimono that looked roughly to be in his size so he grabbed it and the shoes that were there, leaving behind the wallet. Iruka quickly stuffed into the kimono owner’s wallet some bills from his own pouch to hopefully cover the costs of the kimono.

As he was just about to put the clothes on, a tall man with a muscled body and long, spikey white hair walked into the changing room. The man spotted Iruka’s bare back and ass for a moment before Iruka hurriedly managed to cover himself properly.

*

Jiraiya leered at the tanned man, who quickly put on a hakama and tied it securely around his trim waist. Jiraiya hadn’t had a lot of luck so far with the women and he was running dry on ideas for his new novel. But he grinned to himself that that was a part of Konoha’s charm; tough ladies and sexy men, if he did say so himself.

 _Very_ sexy men, he amended, looking at the golden, deliciously smooth skin of the bathhouse stranger. It was so hard to find such a skin tone, especially at this time of year. Maybe it was time to have a little fun.

“Yo kid, leaving so soon?” said Jiraiya. He didn’t forget to throw in a wink.

The tall young man gave him a surprised but dismissive glance and continued to tie up his hair in the mirror.

 _Very_ sexy and hard to get. This level of _hot_ was even stirring his inspiration, and he felt his writer’s block crumbling.

“I know some excellent sake bars nearby, you should join me for a drink!” said Jiraiya.

“Not today, ojisan,” said the man. Jiraiya shivered, visibly. That voice could do _very_ naughty things to his libido. He could actually _see_ the female and male characters of his book swooning at this man, and he couldn’t wait to sit him down, get him drunk and write down all the dirty fantasies that this man inspired.

The man finished tying up his hair into a strict top-knot. Jiraiya could imagine so many filthy things already, and the man had actually only tied up his hair. _He trapped the servant, a younger man against the wall. Toshi trembled as he looked up into the impassive, hard face of his master. His master was always immaculately flawless; the tanned face smooth and stern, the top-knot severe and unyielding, just like his personality. The smooth, golden skin of the noble was creased between his brows and Toshi only now realized how close to breaking out of rigid self-control his master was, and he felt simultaneously terrified and powerfully aroused by the hungry gaze –_

What an inspiration he was. Jiraiya almost got a nosebleed, but before he could proposition the man more persuasively, he surprised (and aroused) Jiraiya even more by teleporting out of the bathhouse.

No matter. Jiraiya had more than enough to go on. He gleefully took out a pen and paper and started writing on the resting benches.

*

Iruka was satisfied that he looked decent. Now that he was all geared up in a kimono, he thought he actually looked better than he did before he met Kakashi and got his clothes ripped off in that urgent sparring…

Quickly shaking his head to get rid of the blush that was threatening to bloom on his cheeks at the memory, Iruka tugged on his kimono to set it right, and with a pointed warning look at the grinning old man, teleported out of the bathhouse.

Naruto yelped as the coldness of the mist from the teleportation surprised him.

“That was cool! How’d you do that! My sensei never teaches me things like that!” Naruto looked in awe at Iruka, who appeared wearing some clothes that made him look even cooler. Iruka felt warm and flattered at having the boy’s admiration on him for such a simple jutsu.

“I’ll show you when we get to Konoha, Naruto-kun,” promised Iruka. “I’m sure I’ll have some free time in the evenings.”

“Wow, great! Can we start tonight?” Naruto’s voice was loud in his excitement and made some nearby birds fly away. Iruka laughed, finding his enthusiasm endearing.

“Maybe, but I’m not sure what my schedule’s going to be like once I reach Konoha today,” said Iruka. “I’m pretty sure I’m late as it is.” Iruka glanced at the afternoon sun. It was early afternoon, and if Iruka didn’t hurry, he wouldn’t reach Konoha until nightfall.

“We’re closer to Konoha from here, ya know!” said Naruto excitedly. “I’ll show you a shortcut.”

Naruto once again led Iruka through the forest, and Iruka knew that his heart was completely taken by yet another Konoha ninja as he listened happily to Naruto’s stories.

*

Kakashi teleported himself into the jounin lounge once he arrived at the Village gates.

He dodged the routine senbon spit by Genma at anyone who teleported into the jounin lounge, and looked at Hayate.

Hayate slowly looked up when he felt a very uneasy feeling, and saw Kakashi looking at him. He nodded at him and wondered what he wanted.

“Tell me everything about that dolphin you met in Water Country. It was a real dolphin, right?” said Kakashi.

The lounge fell silent at the question. Kakashi’s voice was dark and heavy with something dangerous, and the air was tense as all the elite ninjas in the room started to mold their chakra defensively. Asuma slowly blew out a string of smoke.

Hayate looked nonplussed.

“You mean Iruka? What do you want to know?” said Hayate. He coughed confusedly. “Do you want the sex-god story again?”

Kakashi had his kunai pressed at Hayate’s neck and all the rest of the jounins were in battle positions before Hayate could blink.

“Say that again,” said Kakashi.

“Kakashi, drop the kunai,” said Genma. The senbon in his mouth was tipped with a stunning poison. Behind his back, he gestured with hand-signals at Raido to go get Tsunade. “Did somebody take away your porn again? What’s got you so wound up that you want to hear a porn story from Hayate?”

Kakashi’s killing intent spiked and Hayate felt a flash of fear at the crazy look in the dark grey eye.

“Genma shut up, shut up, you’re making it worse, fuck!” hissed Hayate. “Hatake, calm down, I’ll tell you all the details if you’d just let me breathe.”

Kakashi tightened his grip on the kunai, and Hayate almost pissed himself.

“I went to Kiri and met this hot ambassador whose name meant dolphin. He arrived in wearing these tight leather pants and his skin was so golden and I thought he was the sex-god who had arrived to reward me for being good and I got to spend a whole week with him and he smelled so great,” said Hayate in a rush.

Kakashi didn’t move, or lessen any of his Crazy.

“Tight leather pants, golden skin, ring a bell, Kakashi?” said Genma. “It’s that hot dude you let go a few months ago on that mission. And he’s coming today. Maybe you’ll get a piece of hot action from him since Hayate wasn’t able to get any.”

“And he _won’t_ ever get any,” said Kakashi.

Tsunade suddenly banged the door nearly off its hinges.

“What are you lot doing, lounging around!” Tsunade’s voice shook the walls with sheer force. “We’ve got word that the Kiri-nin is almost at the gates. Hayate! Get on with it! The rest of you, go clean up the village or something if you don’t have a mission!”

Tsunade strode out, and everyone turned to look at Kakashi and Hayate, who were glaring at each other with thinly disguised killing intent.

Multiple pops simultaneously sounded as the jounin lounge was suddenly emptied of ninja as they all teleported to the gates.


End file.
